Too Late
by scissorsafeties
Summary: Riley had known James all her life, and had loved him since they were eleven. But all that time, James had loved Lily. Finally, she just couldn't handle the pain and decides to end it all. But when things don't exactly go her way, will things still be the same? Would she even want them to be? Or is there someone else who might catch her eye?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Harry Potter I wouldn't be broke if I did. I just own Riley :) -Elle

* * *

I was standing, but leaning. Leaning on the windowsill looking out. Watching him get rejected. Again. Rejected by that snob, the one who's supposed to be so pretty, so amazing and lovely… But I don't see it, to be honest. She's a snow. Just a stuck up cow.

He shrugs it off, as usual, and his other friends were laughing. I say "other" because I'm his friend, too. His best friend, to be exact. Well, I mean, his best female friend, anyway. Then Sirius as his best guy friend.

She walks off, body tense with anger. I lean more on the glass and press my cheek against it. _'Oh, James…' _He's laughing and joking with his friends but I see him cast a longing glance in her direction. If only he'd look at me that way.

I honestly can't believe I think of her in such a hateful way, though. Usually, I'm such a nice person. Just… the way she rejects him, treats him like he's nothing without a second thought. She doesn't care about him and never will. _'James…'_ I sigh and breathe on the glass before tracing a heart in the mist, drawing J.P. in the center. My finger is freezing but I barley notice. My cheek is going numb against the glass.

I look down at James again as he launches a snowball at Severus. Sirius is laughing. As much as I love him, I wish he'd leave Severus alone sometimes.

After that, a full-on snowball fight starts with the Slytherins siging against the Gryffindors. I straighten my back with a sigh. I know I should go join them, have some fun. I laugh slightly as I remember what I'm wearing. I glance down at the thin t-shirt and shorts then back out the window down at the snowy scene. Eventually, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws start joining in, siding with Gryffindor. That's the way it goes, though. Everyone knows the Slytherins are pretty much on their own. A lot of times, you won't even see a second-year Slytherin stick up for a first-year Slytherin, despite their loyalty. It's different in the other houses. I guess that's why Slytherin produces so many Death Eaters. I'm ashamed to think it, but I suppose it's true. They're pureblood and venomous with it.

James sends a snowball flying at _her_ (or maybe I should say "Her," like it has a capital letter at the beginning, and is special, like James says). She looks like she's yelling at him, so I push the window open with slight interest, glad I'm only on the second floor.

"…Just because you're James Potter does _not_ mean you're allowed to harass every girl you see!" she screams, red hair flying.

"Evans, I don't harass _every_ girl I see," he calls, sounding injured. "You know you're the only one for me." He adds, placing his hand over his heart and grinning at her stupidly. Damn. If only he'd say that to me… I sigh again and watch her reaction.

"In your _dreams_, Potter." He looks injured again.

"How can you say that? I know one day we'll be together!" he cries dramatically. "Lily Evans, will you be mine?" She laughs, eyes flashing cruelly.

"No way." That's twice in under a half hour. He looks heart-broken, but only for a second then shrugs.

"One day you'll be."

"How's life on planet 'You Wish'?" she asks, voice high with amusement. I shut the window and gritted my teeth, sinking to the floor and let out a groan, closing my eyes. Her face swims in front of me and I growl. She's a bitch. I cold-hearted, cruel, evil bitch. I hate her. Doesn't she see how much he means it? How much it actually breaks his heart when she rejects him time and time again?

Obviously not. I wriggle my toes and draw my bare knees up to my chin. A snowball slams against the window above my head. I wince slightly and was suddenly thankful I had closed it when I did. I get up slowly, and lean against the wall for an endless moment, just standing there looking at the snowflakes falling down past the window. Falling… Like the tears I hadn't been aware I was crying. I sigh as I start unpacking my stuff. One more year. Just one. I never realized seventh year would feel so melancholy…

I bite my lip as I unpack my photo album and sink to my knees, opening it hesitantly to the first page. A pear of beaming chocolate-covered three-year-olds beam up at me. James' dark hair had just been cut in this picture and he's laughing and smearing more chocolate onto my long reddy-browny hair. I'm squealing and protesting but laughing at the same time.

I flip the pages, stopping randomly. This time we're seven. James is waving his dad's wand around and whoever's holding the camera is protesting feebly about it. I'm sitting on the floor, watching James and laughing. Even at such a young age, you can see the hero worship in my eyes. I flip through more pages. This time when I stop, we're ten. Frank Longbottom is there too. James is standing on a tree stump, laughing and talking. I'm shaking my head but laughing, my eyes sparkling. Frank is throwing and catching a ball, laughing whole-heartedly.

A few pages on, we're eleven and just boarding the Hogwarts Express. I see the puppy-like love for James in my eyes already. But in this picture, I can see the dissatisfaction and slight hurt. Sirius is laughing and shaking his head. I remember: that was when James saw Lily and turned to me and Sirius, grinning and jerking his thumb back at her. He had said "That's the girl I'm going to marry." They met Snape and Lily a few minutes later when I had gone to the bathroom. They made fun of Snape and jeered at Lily, but James was already in awe of her.

I sniffle, staring at the picture. I flick through a whole bunch of pages until I get to my favorite- taken when James and I were fifteen years-old. We've got our arms around one another and I'm leaning my head on his shoulder, laughing at something he's just said. He's grinning, his eyes sparkling with laughter and mischief. My eyes shine as I look at him, but as usual, he doesn't notice the loving spark in them. I've been in love with him since I was eleven. Six years. And all of that time, he's love Lily Evans.

Love is so unfair. Unpredictable. James says him and Lily are meant to be together. That it's fate, or destiny or both. I wonder.

Lily and her friend Annie come in, gossiping about something-or-other.

"Yeah, but…" Lily begins, a look of dissatisfaction on her face and Annie places a hand on her arm comforting.

"Remember, there's always light at the end of the tunnel." But the thing about the lights at the end of tunnels? They're always oncoming trains. I get up and leave, walking past Annie and Lily and find myself walking past a Muggle Studies classroom where they seemed to be talking about moral issues.

"Should euthanasia be legal, as suicide is legal?" I hear the teacher say and I laugh out loud. Of course suicide is legal. It's not like you can give a dead body a life-sentence. A morbid thought, but I guess I'm full of them nowadays. I look up as an owl lands near me and studies me. I sigh and hold out my arm and it flies onto it, offering the letter. I take it and recognize James' writing at once and I can't help laughing. He hasn't seen me in what, four days? And he's messaging me. Sometimes I'm amazed at his laziness. He could come find me, surely? I tear it open.

_Riley, dearest friend_

_How are you? No, wait – where are you?_

_I am going to put up Missing posters soon._

_Come back to me. Dude, the Common Room misses your sarcasm and loveliness._

_Yeah, I miss you as well!_

_Padfoot says get back here or he'll come for you. Not sure what he means there, but it's rude knowing him._

_Moony says he misses you terribly, but that you probably want alone time. Uh, what? Huh._

_Wormtail's being dense. I think he needs more female company._

_James – remember me?_

I laugh, putting the letter in my pocket and heading back to the Common Room. I say the password cheerily, and step inside to find James giving Lily puppy eyes.

"C'mon – I said I was sorry! You know you love me." She shakes her head but I can see slight amusement in her eyes.

"I have detention because of you, Potter!" she stalks off to her dorm room. James' eyes are wistful as they follow her. We're all slaves to love in the end.

I lean on the wall, holding my broomstick and laughing at something James just said. He's laughing too, tossing the snitch in the air and catching it again. He's in such a good mood he even ignores Snape when he walks past. Then he catches sight of Lily and his eyes light up. I frown slightly. The two of them have been becoming better friends recently. What do you do when you love someone so much it kills you to see them loving someone else, but it also kills you to see them unhappy?

"Hey, Evans!" He shouts and she looks up at him with sardonic amusement in her eyes.

"Well done for winning the game, I guess," she says, walking over to him with a short laugh and he grins at her.

"Yeah, well, there'll be plenty more victories where I'm going." He boasts.

"Where's that – the commentators' box?" She asks, but her voice is nowhere near as full of venom as it was a year ago. I watch, curious. He looks offended.

"No, catching the Snitch! And you'll be cheering me on, as my faithful girlfriend."

"Well, I'd hardly be unfaithful, would I?" She sighs, rolling her eyes. A petal drifts down and lands on the ground between them as he frowns at her.

"No, I guess not. So, Evans, how about it? Will you go out with me?"

"You'll have to stop calling me Evans," she retorts, lightly.

I think the whole world stops breathing in that moment. James stares at her.

"What – really?"

"I guess persistence pays off, huh?" She says, with a wry smile. He steps across the gap between them, treading on the petal as he swoops her up into a hug. She's laughing, and I'm staring at the petal, its white and pink colors the only brightness I can see, it's crushed.

Crushed – like my heart. Life is a game, but there are no winners. Love is just a way to kill yourself without dying. Depression is just a way of saying you're never gonna be happy again, in this lifetime.

You can't spell life without lie, and that's what it's full of. Friends stab you in the back, enemies stab you in the front, strangers stab you in the stomach, but loves stab you in the heart. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. How can I let him go?

A tear trickles down my cheek as I watch James. I can't stay anymore; I have to stand up, stand up and leave. I glance back as I reach the door. James is glancing at me, but he turns away from me, to Lily, and kisses her softly.

It's this, this last betrayal, the point where reality hits me and drives into my heart like a shard of ice. Finally, I can't deal with it. I run back to my dorm room, tears threatening to fall, and write to James for the last time.

I sit on the edge of the highest Astronomy tower now, and swing my legs slightly, before the tears finally start. He's got Lily now. He's got his reason for living, and, finally, I've completely lost mine.I shuffle slightly closer to the edge, my tears drying on my face as the wind whips harshly. I can almost hear voices in it, telling me to leave, that I'm not wanted.

"If it comes back to you, it's yours," I sigh, repeating the old phrase. "But he's never coming back to me."

I close my eyes, feeling the breeze on my face.

I think of James.

Then I jump.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Obviously still don't Harry Potter, as I'm still not rich. Still the only thing I own is Riley! -Elle

* * *

James' POV:

An owl was begging for my attention, which was weird seeing as it was night time, and I was in the common room... When I saw the letter, though, I grinned. Finally something that proved Riley still existed! She'd been so... Absent lately.

I took the letter from the owl and opened it quickly, smiling to myself. It was only when I read the first sentence that my heart dropped and I had to sit down.

"_Dearest James,_

_If you're reading this then… I'm gone. Not gone on holiday or something, but 'gone' gone. If you're reading this then I've left this world and… Left you._

_There are so many things I wish I had the courage to tell you in person. Though I didn't want to make things awkward, so I never did. But I have to now. I couldn't leave knowing you never…_

_James, I love you. I mean, I love you so much. I've loved you so much. Since first year or… Maybe longer. I guess I've always loved you. Even though you're a total idiot and can barley get through a period without falling asleep, you were just so perfect._

_It was always Lily though, for you. She always was. Everything was all about Lily and I hated her more and more for it. I hated her for making you love her and breaking your heart countess times… And mine._

_Do you remember the time fourth year? When I was crying in the library because Quinn Nelson was teasing me? I was curled up in one of the big chairs in the back, my face buried and my knees up against my chest. You walked right up and climbed onto the chair with me, pulling me into your lap. I was confused at first. You had your arms around me and whispered comforting words into my ear. Some people say you're just a 'typical air-head jock', but I know differently. You're sweet and caring. That afternoon proved it. We sat there for hours, my head resting on your chest. I was going to ask you out right then and there, but I was too nervous._

_I promised myself the next morning that I would. I would finally ask James Potter out. Excited, I ran out of my dorm into the common room to find you talking to Sirius and Remus. Of course, you were asking for advice about how to ask Lily out. You probably don't even remember what happened… But I do. I realized that it was a bad time and I'd just have to wait and tried to sneak out but Sirius noticed me._

"_Why don't you ask Riley?" he asked, getting annoyed. "She's a girl!" but you just shook your head._

"_But mate, she's different. Besides, no one's ever even asked her out- c'mon who would?" you asked. The way you laughed told me you were joking, but that didn't stop the tears from falling. I even went as far as to slap you in the face._

"_Maybe we just shouldn't be friends then, right? Who'd want to be friends with such a stupid, ugly girl anyway?" I turned and ran out of the common room. After that we didn't talk for weeks and I felt awful for slapping you. I never did say sorry about that either, so… I'm sorry. Even though I was mad… I still loved you. How couldn't I?_

_Then when Lily started being more… 'Friendly' with you, I couldn't stand it. Because I knew you'd finally succeed. She'd finally say yes and my life would be even more miserable. My world would start to fall apart around me. I didn't know it would get this bad, though… Though, you know things have never gone my way. You always did say I had the worst luck. You were never wrong about that, James._

_I may be dead when you read this. Though I'm sure I won't be in a better place. How could I be without love? But it'll spare me from having to watch you and Lily continue to love each other, graduate, get married. Love each other more and more every day. It almost makes me physically sick to think about that. That it isn't me you're going to be happy with forever._

_I never actually wanted to die. Though, I feel more and more dead every minute since you and Lily got together. I've said it for years, and I'll say it again. I've always hated Lily. But… I'm not sure if I can really hate her anymore. She makes you so happy, James. You deserve to be happy- I _want _you to be happy. I know this will make you sad for a while, but it'll be brief, then you'll forget all about me. You'll be happy with Lily just like you've always wanted to be. Because you've never wanted me._

_Just… Know that I love you, James. The whole world could know and it wouldn't make any difference to me anymore. I could shout it to the heavens: 'I love James Potter!' But by the time they have the chance to laugh- for you to hide your face from embarrassment, I'll be gone. Then you can forget I ever existed._

_-Riley Bailey Ashwood"_

I couldn't think- couldn't breathe. My hands were shaking violently and I jumped up, head swimming.

"Riley!" I yelled stupidly. I started running as fast as I could, though my brain didn't register where I was going. How could she do this? Was I really the reason? And… Was I really that oblivious? One single though kept repeating its self in my head. It was the only thing that made any sense to me: _'Oh, my precious Riley, I hope I'm not too late!'_


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, guys! This is just gonna be a really _really_ short filler chapter (like just under 500 words short). I'm not particularly fond of it, but as a filler, it does it's job so… I can deal. Hopefully it won't be as long as last time till I put up the next chapter! -Elle

Disclaimer: I obviously still don't own Harry Potter, I'm still quite poor and wouldn't be writing crappy fanfiction :)

* * *

I blinked. _'Where _am _I?' _I thought dizzily. There was… Nothing. Absolutely nothing anywhere. It was all just… Whiteness. I spun around to try and see something- anything.

Was I spinning? I couldn't even tell. It felt like I was spinning, but there was no way of telling. I was just surrounded by nothingness. _'It's alright, Riley… Just… Think. What happened right before you woke up?' _I felt a sudden jolt as I remembered. Oh. I jumped. I was dead. But _was_ I dead, though? My head was pounding and it felt like my heart was broken. If I was dead, wouldn't all the pain have gone away? I should finally be free from it all, yet I felt more trapped than ever.

I was glad I did it, though. Though I guess, at the same time I sort of regretted it. I suppose I could have handled things differently. Not kill myself, I mean, but have told James differently. I should've told him face-to-face… To see his reaction. He probably would have laughed at me. But what if he hadn't? He could have suddenly realized he'd really loved _me _all those years and not Lily?

I snorted and pushed away the thought. _'Don't be stupid. Who're you kidding, Riley? You know he never looked at you.' _I thought. No, he would've laughed. Probably would have thought it was some sort of joke. Then seeing the look on my face, he would've known it wasn't and been embarrassed for _both of us._ He would've avoided talking to me for weeks- even moths- to just save himself the awkwardness because he didn't feel the same.

_Then I could've jumped._

No, no… That probably would have been worse. Then he'd feel it was completely his fault. I mean, it kinda already was, I guess… I frowned. _'I hope he doesn't feel _too _guilty… I _do _want him to be happy, after all. Even if I'm not.' _The pain in my head got worse and I gasped quietly, putting my hand to my head. After a few seconds it got worse and I had to sink to my knees. Wincing, I closed my eyes tightly, head threatening to implode on its self. Quickly my entire body began to ache and I felt sick. I tipped over so I was on my side, cradling my head and bringing my knees to my stomach.

With one final stab of pain, I gasped again, opening my eyes wide. But all too quickly, my vision began to blur and get darker and darker. Head spinning, I felt my eyes close again and I lost consciousness in the cold white nothingness.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay first off I am soooo sorry it took so long to get this story updated- I wasn't sure on how I wanted to continue at ALL and just… Anyway. I'm back now, I know (generally) where I'm going with this… We should be good. This might also be sort of short because I wrote it today while at the airport but whatever. Till next time! –Elle

Disclaimer: I OBVIOUSLY don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in Harry Potter. I would be a lot richer and go flying more. Sigh.

* * *

James' POV:

I found myself in front of Professor Dippet's office. Out of breath, I reazlied I didn't know the password to get in. I looked around frantically for someone- anyone who could help.

"Potter?" A voice sounded from behind me. I spun around to see Professor Dumbledore standing near an open doorway, his eyebrows raised, blue eyes sparkling.

"S-Sir!" I exclaimed, rushing towards him.

"Is something wrong, Mister Potter?" I swallowed hard, eyes stinging but no tears actually falling.

"Riley, sir! She-" I coughed, still out of breath. "She's…" I shook my head, biting my tongue. I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"What about Miss Ashwood?" He asked kindly and put a hand on my shoulder.

"She went to the astronomy tower," I said breathlessly, feeling my chest tighten. "She said she was going to jump." His grip tightened on my shoulder and the sparkle was missing from his eyes.

"Follow me," he said quickly and started down the hallway, faster than I'd ever seen him go before. I had to run again to catch up with him. I felt tired, but I had to get to Riley. I had to know she was okay.

"The astronomy tower," he called back over his shoulder to me. "To try and find Miss Ashwood before anything happens to her!"

Riley's POV:

"Is she going to be okay?" Someone said quietly next to me. It was dark and my head felt like it might explode at any second.

"Of course she will," a second voice replied tentatively. The first voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I tried opening my eyes to see who the voices belonged to but as hard as I tried they remained shut, blinding me from the world. I tried to move my arms or legs, to sit up, but I couldn't. It was as if I was just a consciousness floating in the room. A consciousness with a massive headache, anyway.

"How can you be so sure?" the first voice asked again. It was a woman's voice. It was soft and quiet… Calming almost, though her tone was heavy with worry. The second person near my feet shuffled over to my other side quickly.

"Because I'm the best," the second woman boasted. "Trust me. She'll be absolutely fine." They finished comfortingly. I heard some things moving next to my head and tried to ignore the noise. The first woman sighed heavily.

"I suppose I should trust you, it's just… She looks so…"

"She said she'll be fine," a new voice snapped at the woman harshly. It was a boy's voice: hard and forced sounding as though he had been crying. A needle was stuck into my arm and I gasped softly in pain.

"Riley!" the first woman gasped, relief flooding over her.

"Miss Ashwood, I'm just giving you a sedative, alright, sweetie?" The second woman said gently. She was the one who had stuck the needle in my arm. I slowly began to gain feeling in my arms and legs again. I wondered what had caused me to lose feeling in them to begin with. "And then we'll get that nasty bandage off your eyes, okay?"

"Riley, honey?" the first woman said and waited for someone to reply. When no one did she tried again. "Riley? Sweetheart, can you hear me?" I felt someone take my hand and I pulled it away quickly. The second woman sat me up slowly and began gently taking the bandages off of my eyes.

The room had all white walls and floors, and fading white furniture. I looked around then focused on the two women in front of me. They were staring at me expectantly. I stared back, silent for a minute. After a few minutes of silence and staring, I'd had enough.

"…What?" the woman to my right smiled and tried to take my hand again. She had blonde hair messily put up and her makeup was trailing down her cheeks.

"Oh, Riley!" she exclaimed, relieved. "We were so worried about you!" I blinked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"Who the hell're you?" the woman gaped at me, obviously at a sudden loss for words.

"This is your mum, Riley," the second woman offered, smiling kindly. I looked at her and instantly could tell she was a nurse or doctor or whatever. You can't really tell for sure with medics, y'know? I shook my head at her.

"Of course she's not." I told her simply. "Never seen her before in my life." The blonde woman suddenly broke down sobbing.

"Sh-She's gone ins-sane!" she wailed loudly and I glared at her.

"Have not!"

"Of course you have" she waved me off, sniffling and pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket. "Not even recognizing your own mother…" she sobbed more, blowing her nose loudly.

"Perhaps she's got amnesia?" The doctor nurse suggested, looking closely in my eyes. "She did suffer a large head trauma…" she continued, talking as if I wasn't sitting right there.

"She'll recognize me," the third person I'd forgotten was even there said quietly. He was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, staring out the small window. The two women looked at him and the doctor nurse motioned for him to come over to the bed I was sitting on. The boy sighed and stood slowly, looking anywhere but at me.

"Riley," he said slowly and quietly, looking up at me finally. "How're you feeling?" I looked at him oddly and stayed silent for a minute.

"Who's this 'Riley' you all keep taking about?" I asked, starting to get annoyed. "And who're _you_?" Everyone was silent for a few minutes that seemed to last for hours. The three of them were suddenly very tense as they watched me. It made me feel very uncomfortable, to have them all just staring at me.

"It's okay… I'm sure she'll come 'round soon, James…"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I obviously still don't own Harry Potter. If I did... I'd be questioning how Harry even exists because I ship Snily but _anyway ignoring that_, I don't own Harry Potter or James, I just own Riley. (And sorry this took so long ugh I'll try and get the next one up sooner) -Elle

James POV:

'_James, you need to take care of her until her memory comes back! Make sure she doesn't get hurt or into any trouble.'_

I sighed heavily, carrying both mine and Riley's books down the hall to fourth-period History of Magic. Riley walked next to me, examining her fingernails. She had been let back to school from the hospital a week after she came-to and I was the one who had to keep a constant eye on her. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl (not how she loves/loved? me), but I couldn't really go anywhere or do anything.

I figured she would have remembered _something_ after a week back at Hogwarts after not remembering a thing at the hospital. We have after all spent a good portion of our lives here. But, its been over a month now, and she still hasn't remembered a thing.

I have explained most things to her, of course. Things like who she is, who I am, how we've known each other all our lives. It was _real_ interesting explaining the whole 'magic' thing to her- but we made sure to do that in the hospital _before_ going back to school.

Lily found the note Riley sent me before she did it. She got mad at me and started yelling. Asking how I could be so thick to not have noticed. This of course only made me feel worse about the whole thing. Lily still hasn't spoken to me in about two weeks. It really hurts, that does. Now there isn't even anyone to talk to about it. I wouldn't dare mention it to Riley. It tried talking to Sirius and Remus about it, but they just seemed more concerned about Riley than anything else. Asking how she was doing and if she had remembered anything yet.

It isn't like we could tell the school- or Riley even- that she tried to kill herself, either. Riley would want to know why and then I'd have to have the extremely awkward talk of telling her that I was in-fact the reason. We also couldn't tell the school. Half of them would never talk to her again and she'd be miserable, and the others would treat her like a walking-time-bomb or something. So Dumbledore decided it was best to say she simply fell off her broom during Quidditch practice and hit her head pretty hard. The rest of the team was pretty skeptical at first but I told them it had just been Riley and me practicing so she could work more on a few things she was struggling with. Thankfully after that no one suspected differently.

It's still really hard though. Hard to even think about: that my best friend- the girl I've known all of my life- could be so hurt for so long and never tell me. Or that I'd never even noticed. She had wanted to tell me of course. But she knew I wouldn't have listened. And she was right. I wouldn't have listened. I had always been so wrapped up in trying to get Lily that I all but ignored un-Lily-related things Riley had to say. I had been a horrible friend to her.

Riley sat down in the seat I told her to in the back of the classroom and I set her books in front of her on the desk, taking my seat next to her. I made a vow- a promise right then and there. A promise to myself that I would never ignore what she had to say. More than anything, it was a promise to Riley.

"James?" her soft voice asked and she looked at me. I looked over at her nodding slightly and raising my eyebrows.

"Riley?"

"James," she repeated and tilted her head to the side slightly. "Why didn't you tell me?" I blinked a few times, confused, and flashed her a grin.

"Tell you what?"

"That I tried to kill myself," she responded quietly, pulling out a very crumpled up note from inside her robes.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: Okay, I'm really sorry it's taken so long! I'm just trying to figure out exactly how I should continue next, so this chapter is basically a bunch of crap so I can get into the mindset of writing this again… And I'm actually going to start writing the next chapter RIGHT NOW, so hopefully it'll be up (with luck) later today! -Elle

* * *

Riley's POV:

I sat down at one of the tables in the back of the library, plopping down my pile of books in front of me. It was lunch time, but I had a paper in Transfiguration to write. Since I still couldn't actually remember anything about the subject, I went to study any chance I got. Sticking my hand in my robes pocket, I looked for my quill. My hand touched a folded up bit of parchment and I remembered about the note Lily had given to me this morning.

James told me that Lily and I weren't friends, but I couldn't place why. She was so nice to me, it just seemed strange for him to say that we never got along. But a part of me told me to believe him, so I found it a little strange when Lily woke me up this morning, a note in her hand. She told me it was incredibly important and might answer any questions I had, but I shouldn't read it until I was alone.

I took the parchment out of my robes and looked at it curiously. It was incredibly wrinkled and almost looked like it was dropped in a puddle. Some of the sides were torn and bent, so I was careful not to tear it further when opening it.

At first, I was incredibly confused reading it. I figured Lily may have given me the wrong thing, as it was a letter addressed to James. I read on, tempted to stop, but the curiosity kept me going.

"_If you're reading this then I've left this world and… Left you,"_ I blinked a few times. Now I felt like I was invading both the writer's and James' privacy. I knew I should stop reading. I knew I should go back to Lily and explain that this was the wrong thing. This was a letter James should read immediately. But again, curiosity got the better of me and I read on. Some of the names I recognized. They mentioned some of our friends: Lily, Sirius, Remus… Then I stopped, staring at the page. The writer had mentioned me, too. But I was confused. The author was obviously a friend of mine, defending me and going as far as to slap James in the face after saying _"Besides, no one's ever even asked her out- c'mon, who would?"_ I squinted at the page, searching my brain to think of who it could have been. As hard as I tried, I couldn't think of anyone. Maybe James knew? Maybe he had already seen this letter. Maybe the person had already gone through with it and he didn't want to mention them. That would make sense- he didn't want to suddenly be "Hey! Remember _? Yeah, he/she killed themselves.." I shook my head and continued reading.

As I read, I continued feeling more and more sorry for them. They had loved James for so long, and he had no idea- he had always loved Lily. I blinked a couple times. He never mentioned to me that he liked Lily… I had no idea. Maybe this was why Lily had given me the letter? To warn me not to start liking James because he was completely devoted to her? My eyes started to tear up towards the end of the letter. He/She loved him s-

My heart stopped. I stared wide-eyed at the last line.

"_-Riley Bailey Ashwood"_

I then realized the letter was in my handwriting. Was this some sort of sick joke? I obviously hadn't written the letter. I don't love James. He never mentioned anything about it, either. Maybe he was right, though. Maybe I really didn't get along with Lily and this was proof. She had written the letter, forging my handwriting. Making it all up so I would realize I should stay away from James.

I glanced up at the clock in the library and jumped up, realizing lunch had just ended. I gathered up all my books and stuffed the note back in my pocket. Walking quickly into the hallway, I saw James waiting for me and got an idea. I smiled and him and walked over and he held his hands out.

"I'll carry those," he said quickly, glancing down the hall and taking my books. "We should get going… We'll be late for the best class _ever_!" he joked and I grinned.

"If by 'best' you mean 'the-most-boring-oh-my-god-make-it-stop' class, then yeah! Let's get going!" I laughed and he sighed dramatically as we started down the hall to History of Magic. I had to find a good time to ask. Obviously I wasn't about to ask if it was all true in the middle of the busy hallway with tons of people who could eavesdrop… No, I had to time it just right.

I pretended to be distracted by my nails and therefore too 'busy' to talk, but it didn't matter. He was lost in his own thoughts. After three flights of stairs and two long hallways, we walked into the classroom and I sat down at the table he had told me a month ago was ours. He set my books in front of me and took his seat and stared forwards. I glanced around. Everyone appeared to be busy- immersed in their own conversations, paying no attention to us. This was my chance.

"James?" I asked softly, looking at him. He looked at me and nodded slightly, his eyebrows raising.

"Riley?"

"James," I repeated lamely, tilting my head to the side, trying to figure out how to word it without it sounding accusatory. "Why didn't you tell me?" He just blinked a few times, obviously confused and grinned.

"Tell you what?"

"That I tried to kill myself," I replied, not hesitating and pulled out the note again.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: Since it's a Saturday and I have a lot of time on my hands (and I totally know where this is going now!?), I'm actually going to post this super short chapter quick, then work on the next chapter because I have Riley's point of view to do! (Like for real, I'm actually really excited about writing this now when a couple hours ago it was almost a chore because I had no idea where I was going *fun fact, this was originally just supposed to be a two-chapter story*) Happy reading! -Elle

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James POV:

My mind was suddenly voided of all thought. How had she found the letter? I was so sure I had thrown it away weeks ago! Should I make something up? Should I tell her the truth? I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't seem to form the words. It was as if my brain had completely detached its self and I forgot how to speak.

"Uh.." I replied and she raised her eyebrows.

"James," her voice raised slightly and I could tell she wanted an answer, and she wanted it now. I had to make something up. But what if someone gave it to her, telling her it was real? I would deal with that later…

"What're you talking about?" I questioned, scrunching up my face to look as confused as possible in my state of shock.

"Well Lily gave me this letter and I-" she started but then shook her head, laughing. "Never mind, I had a feeling she made it up, anyway." Riley smiled at me and I felt my stomach do a summersault. I instantly could understand why Lily would give the letter to Riley. She felt that she had the right to know the truth. The truth that I never gave her. But at the same time, I felt a small hint of betrayal. I tried to fake a smile, though I could tell it was more of a grimace.

"Trust me, I would have told you if you had tried to k-" I shook my head slightly, "if you had tried anything like that." She thought about what I had said for a minute before smiling.

"Yeah, I suppose so," she decided. At the front of the room, Professor Binns came through the chalk board and cleared his throat, signaling the start of class. I silently thanked him and turned forward, avoiding looking in Riley's direction for the rest of class.

After the period was over, I stood quickly and awkwardly cleared my throat.

"Hey, uh, d'you think you can get back to the common room on your own?" I asked, still not looking at her. She didn't have a class fifth or sixth period and usually I'd walk her back up to the common room. Now, though, I didn't think I would be able to.

"Oh," she blinked a few times then smiled, "yeah, I should be fine!" Riley picked up her books and paused. "I'll see you later, James!" She walked out and I just stood there. I didn't know what to do- what to think. I felt horrible. She had found out. Found out what she had tried to do… Found out that I was the cause of it. Of course, now she didn't believe it (hopefully), but that didn't stop the pounding in my head. Nor did it stop the churning in my stomach or the pain in my heart.

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Reviews (because I'm going to start doing this now):

General note- Oh my gosh, thank you guys so much. Especially those who have been here since I first started this story (and have been putting up with it). Thanks for the reviews. They actually really help a lot and I really, really appreciate them!

20: I forget when you started reading this story- yesterday or today?- but thank you so much for being so supportive and into the story! It really means a ton! And I absolutely agree. Unrequited love is an awful feeling.

Nameless Secret Keeper: Thank you so much


	8. Chapter 8

Author Note: Alright, I'm probably done updating for the day! I mean, this has been the third chapter in one day so… Hah, well, I hope you enjoy this chapter… I think it leaves off on a relatively good note (even though it's not what you'd expect) :) -Elle

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Riley's POV:

So that was that. Lily had made up the whole thing. There's always of course the slight chance that James lied, but I ignore the thought. I trust James to the ends of the Earth. Besides, he's the one who's taken care of me since I came home from the hospital. I spent the next hour trying to stay awake and take notes while listening to Professor Binns. But the way he drones on sometimes makes it nearly impossible and I drift off. Luckily, I wake up right before he dismisses us for next period. I yawn as I pack up my stuff and James stood abruptly, clearing his throat and looked around the room.

"Hey, uh, d'you think you can get back to the common room on your own?" A silly question, as I've been able to find the common room myself for a couple weeks now. Usually he'd walk me up there just in case, though. I didn't have a class fifth or sixth period and he had double potions, so I usually went back to start on homework before dinner.

"Oh," I started and smiled, "yeah, I should be fine!" I picked up my books, pausing to look back at him. "I'll see you later, James!" He still didn't look over and didn't reply so I walked out of the classroom and made my way up quickly to the common room. Once safely inside the girl's dorm room, I tossed my books carelessly onto my bed, grabbed my wand (which I hadn't needed in history of magic) and made my way back down stairs. The common room was still relatively empty because most Gryffindors had class still, save for the few older students doing homework quietly at some of the desks and the one asleep on the couch. I walked back outside the common room and practically sprinted down all the different hallways and stairs until I was outside.

The cool air hit my face and I smiled. I walked through the grass towards the Black Lake and looked up at the clear blue sky. It was around 4:30 in mid-March, and unusually warm compared to normal; even all the snow had melted away.

I sat down, leaning against a tree near the lake and looked out over it. I smiled, feeling the soft breeze on my skin, slowly closing my eyes.

"Might I join you?" a voice asked softly and I jumped awake, opening my eyes to see Remus Lupin standing above me. He chuckled quietly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Oh, no, it's alright," I said quickly, and smiled at him. "Sure, have a seat…" I scooted over slightly and he sat down next to me. He looked out at the water and I noticed it had gotten darker. "What time is it?" I glance at him and look at the lake.

"It's only 5:35 ish…" He smiled slightly and I remembered that about this time he would come join me in the common room. I would be on one end of the small table doing homework. Sixth period (which he had free) would start, and Remus would sit across from me starting his homework. We almost never said a word, but there was always a silent sort of pleasantness about it. "When I didn't see you in the common room, I decided I'd see where you went," he shrugged, "this was actually the first spot I thought of."

"What, no homework to work on today?" I ask before realizing it sounded rude- as if I didn't want him there. I actually wasn't sure if I did or not yet. I mean, I came out here to get away from homework and people in general for a while.

"Oh, no, I have tons," he smiled slightly and glanced at me. "Why the sudden need for a change in scenery?" I looked back out at the water.

"Just to think things through, I guess." He nodded slowly, understanding.

"Something big on your mind?" he asked. "Or have you remembered anything?" I shook my head slowly.

"Nothing. It's incredibly frustrating. I mean, I know the memories are there. I know I should be able to remember, I just…" I sighed and slid down the tree trunk a little further. "I just can't." He nodded again and stayed silent for a while, and I could tell he was choosing his words carefully.

"I wish I could help," he started and sighed quietly, stretching out his legs in front of him. "I honestly can't even imagine what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I'm really sorry this all happened to you… Falling off the broom, hitting your head. That alone must have been painful." I sat up a little and looked at him.

"That's the thing, though!" He blinked a few times and looked at me questioningly.

"What is?"

"I just… It feels wrong. Whenever I try and remember… I sort-of remember this falling sensation, but I don't remember Quidditch. I don't remember a broom at all… Or the rain or the field. None of it. When I think about it, it just… It doesn't seem to fit. It doesn't seem right." I was looking out at the water again, my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. He stared at me a long time and then looked away. I don't know how long we stayed like that, and I really didn't care. The silence was calming; it was peaceful. It started to get dark and my stomach growled quietly, complaining because we had obviously missed dinner. Remus glanced towards the school and then looked up at the sky.

"Riley?" he asked quietly, finally breaking the silence. I looked over at him and he looked slightly nervous.

"Yeah?" He hesitated, glancing back up at the sky again. It made me curious and I looked too, expecting to see something big and strange in the sky, but only saw the full moon just starting to appear. I looked back at him, about to ask why he kept looking at the sky when he leaned forward, placing a small kiss on my lips. Before I could react, he leaned back, stood and started wringing his hands nervously.

"I- sorry- I have to g-go…" he said quickly, his voice cracking a little. I watched him as he quickly scampered away towards the school. My jaw was dropped slightly out of pure shock. One of the shyest boys I know, Remus Lupin, had just kissed me.

…And then ran away. I don't think I've ever been so confused in my life (and I have amnesia.)

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Reviews: Okay since I posted the last chapter not too long ago, there haven't really been any replies so… Yeah. Until next time!


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, hi, I started this chapter this morning, got really distracted, and now I'm about to go to bed (though I'm like half way done right now) but I wanted to finish this first… So if this ends abruptly (which it probably will) and is completely awful (which it will be) that's why… But I'll write more in the morning! -Elle

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Riley's POV:

I blinked a few times, momentarily forgetting where I was. Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, glancing around at other girls in the dorm room. I stretched my arms up as far as I could and yawned silently, moving my legs over the edge of my bed. It was early on a Saturday morning so I knew not many people would be up yet. Getting up slowly, I trudged my way sleepily to the bathroom and picked up my toothbrush.

I went back to the dorm room and started brushing through my hair only to drop the brush a few seconds later, gasping quietly, only then remembering what had happened between Remus and me. I covered my mouth quickly and looked around at the other girls who slept on. Quickly and quietly as I could, I out my hair up in a messy bun, got dressed and raced down to the common room. I looked around quickly for James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. They usually always got up early on Saturday mornings to beat the rush for breakfast around 11. Not seeing them anywhere in the common room, I decided they would probably have made their way down to the main hall already and sprinted out of the common room and down the corridor.

I scanned the room, looking at the few people who had gotten up early to beat the crowds and saw James, Sirius and Peter- but not Remus. I jogged over to the trio and they smiled up at me.

"Hey, Riles!" Sirius winked. James laughed and shoved him. "Whaaat?" Sirius laughed. "All I said was 'hey!'"

"Yeah, but even saying 'hi' to a girl is your version of flirting with them," James snorted back as Sirius rolled his eyes. "So what's up, Riley?"

"Do you guys know where Remus is?" the boys exchanged a few nervous looking glances and it was a few seconds before Sirius finally spoke up.

"He- uh- he's in the hospital wing because he uh-"

"-he fell down a flight of stairs and-"

"-broke his arm! He broke his arm! So he probably won't be-"

"-he'll be sorta-"

"-I'm sure he's very exhausted and-"

"-he'll probably be there all day resting so we shouldn't bother him!" James finished, glancing at Sirius and looking at me, satisfied. I blinked a few times, processing everything the pair had just told me.

"Oh," I started, not believing a word they had said. "Right, okay… I was just wondering because he's not here." I shrugged and sat down. The next ten minutes had to have been the longest ten minutes of my entire life. I had to eat my food and try not to leave suspiciously early. "Oh!" I stood up quickly, feigning a sense of emergency. "I forgot I had to meet with Professor Slughorn about a potions project we were assigned yesterday. I'll catch you guys later!" and with that, I ran out of the great hall and up the stairs towards the hospital wing.

After getting lost twice and having to ask for directions, I finally got to the hospital wing. Theoretically, I _should _know where the hospital wing was, but I was in too big of a hurry to remember. I walked inside and went over to Madame Pomfrey, waiting patiently as she treated a first-year's bloody nose. Once the kid was alright, she turned around and smiled at me.

"Miss Ashwood! You're just in time," I blinked, also forgetting that I was supposed to come up here to get my weekly potion to try and help me remember everything else.

"Right," I smiled. "Wouldn't want to be late!" I lied, my eyes drifting over to a closed curtain towards the back of the room as Madame Pomfrey went to get my potion. Curious, I walked towards it. Maybe Remus was behind it?

"Miss Ashwood, I would ask you to step away from the curtain!" Madame Pomfrey's shrill voice sounded from the other side of the room, and I spun around.

"O-Oh, I just…" I walked back towards her slowly, glancing back at the curtain. "I just wanted to know who was behind it is all…" Madame Pomfrey looked at me solemnly.

"That is none of your concern, Miss Ashwood," she stated simply, handing me the potion. "Now drink up." I sighed quietly and placed the bottle to my lips as I heard the curtain slide open slowly behind me. Letting my curiosity get the best of me, I spun around to see who opened it. My breath caught in my throat and the bottle slipped through my fingers, shattering on the floor.

"Remus!" I gasped, running over to where he was sitting on the bed, one hand still on the curtain. His already too-pale face whitened further and his mouth opened slightly, his eyes widened. He had different coloured bruises all over his bare arms and his face, cuts and scrapes scattered about his skin.

"R-R-Riley!" he exclaimed, obviously caught off guard and stuttering. He made to quickly shut the curtain again but it got caught as I reached him, taking his free hand quickly in mine. He was shaking, recoiling slightly at my touch. "Wh-What're you-"

"Remus, what _happened to you_?" I interrupted, concern flooding over me, sitting lightly next to him on the bed. I felt a sharp tap on my shoulder.

"Miss Ashwood, you are to leave Mister Lupin alone. The boy needs rest, and you need your potion." She grabbed my arm tightly and yanked me away from him, quickly closing the curtain again. Dragging me across the room again, she conjured another potion and shoved it into my hands, bringing me to the door. "Good morning, Miss Ashwood," she dismissed me, opening the door and nudging me out, quickly slamming the door behind me.

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Reviews:

LunaBee13: I'm glad you liked my little plot twist! :) Thank you very much :)

20: Firstly, of course you can call me Elle! And I'm really glad that you like my story!

JulPer12: Really? Oh, I'm relieved! I wasn't sure Remus was alright or not, because I haven't really read much with Remus and wasn't used to writing him at all… And I'm really not sure where I'm going with Lily yet, but I'm glad that she's okay! I'm really glad that you took the time to write such a wonderful review; thank you very much :) And I'm not going to spoil anything! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Oh god I had no idea what exactly to put for this chapter and I'm very surprised I managed to get through it… I mean, I know where I'm going, it was just a pain to get there and. Ugh. Okay. Hopefully it's alright, though. Till next time! -Elle

Two days had passed and I still hadn't seen or heard from Remus. Whenever I asked James, Sirius or even Peter about it, they ignored my questions or pretended they didn't hear me until I dropped the subject.

Early on Tuesday morning, I sat in the great hall, half heartedly eating some toast when Lily Evans came up to me, smiling sweetly. There weren't many other people at breakfast yet as classes didn't start for another hour and a half, so I was surprised to see her- mainly because she never showed much interest into talking to me in the first place.

"Hey, Riley," she beamed and sat down next to me. I blinked a few times and forced a smile, hoping it looked pleasant enough.

"Um, hi, Lily…"

"So, I was wondering. Do you remember anything yet? I mean, it's been like, almost two months now!" I hadn't even realized so much time had gone by, but she was right. That morning in late December when I woke up was almost two months ago now.

"Umm…" I said again, lamely. "Not really…" I shrugged and she frowned a little.

"That's too bad," she commented then her eyes brightened. "But I've actually got just the thing! I was afraid that you wouldn't remember anything, so I went to Professor Slughorn and-" she paused, glancing around. Leaning in closer to me, she continued in a whisper. "-He gave me this super-special healing potion that they aren't allowed to use in the school hospital wing." She must have noticed the doubt on my face because she quickly added, "But don't worry- it's really, really safe. And it should actually make it so you have your memories back!" Lily beamed at me.

Honestly I didn't even know that she thought about me at all- let alone enough to go to Slughorn to get a potion for me. But at this point, I didn't really care. It was so incredibly frustrating not to be able to remember a thing.

"Really?" I asked, eyes widening a little and she nodded enthusiastically, taking out a small vile out of her robes. She held it up for me to see; the potion inside was a shimmery purple colour that looked slightly golden when the light hit it in the right way.

"You just pour it into whatever drink you have available and within a couple hours you should have all your memories back!" she grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back at her. She handed me the vile and I took it quickly.

"I- Thank you!" I grinned. "Thank you so much!" She nodded quickly.

"Well go on- drink it!" she gestured quickly to my cup of water. "He said it doesn't taste like anything." I nodded slightly and popped open the lid, dumping the contents into my glass. Setting the empty vile on the table next to my toast, I picked up my glass, pausing only a second before drinking the entire glass. Lily was grinning from ear to ear. "Alright, you _have _to find me later and let me know if it worked! Oh, god, I really hope it does. It must be agonizing not to be able to remember anything besides the past two months! Not having a clue who you really are or anything!" I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, alright. Thank you again so much, Lily."

"Don't mention it," she smiled at me and stood up. "I've gotta find James, but let me know how it goes!" With that Lily picked up the books she had set on the table a few minutes earlier and practically skipped away, incredibly pleased with herself.

Throughout first period, I kept glancing at the clock every few minutes. A few hours had passed, but I still couldn't remember anything. Nothing. Hopefully it would start to take effect soon.

When I walked into second period Transfiguration, I finally saw him. He was sitting in his usual seat near the middle of the room as if nothing had even happened. I rushed over to him, immediately taking the empty seat next to him where Peter usually sat.

"Remus!" I gasped and he jumped, obviously taken off guard by my sudden rushing over to him. "Remus, are you alright? What happened to you?" A couple of Hufflepuffs paused their conversation and looked back at us from the front of the classroom. Remus shifted in his seat uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

"Erm," he glanced around the room at the few other students who had arrived for class early. "I'll, uh, tell you later…" As concerned and curious as I was, I decided to drop the subject for now, assuming he probably didn't want anyone else to overhear. The rest of the class slowly started to file in and I took out my things, opening my book.

"Alright… But don't think that I'm just going to let it go," I half threatened and he smiled weakly, nodding.

Professor McGonagall walked into the room and began class quickly. Only then did I realize I wasn't in my usual seat and glanced around for Peter, as I was sitting in his spot. I blinked a few times, not seeing him anywhere. Maybe he was sick?

I found it hard to concentrate on the lesson as McGonagall droned on about god-knows-what. Time and time again I found myself watching Remus. Watching the way took notes, paid attention and read from the textbook. Noticing I was staring, I quickly look back at my own textbook. None of the words made sense to me though. The more I tried to make sense of them, the more they seemed to blend together and eventually, the longer I stared, the more they formed into solid black lines on the page. Then I blinked, realizing that the entire page was going dark. Looking up I realized that _everything _was going dark. I squinted slightly, starting to get lightheaded. My vision started to clear the smallest bit as I squinted but started to rapidly go dark again. I gripped the desk tightly, gulping. My head felt as if it were floating at the top of the room, watching my body below. I felt nauseous.

"Are you alright, Riley?" a voice that I was having trouble identifying sounded next to me. For a split second I remembered that it must be Remus, as he was sitting next to me still, but the thought quickly vanished and I felt my grip on the desk weaken without my control. My head started pounding; but instead of getting rid of the lightheaded feeling, it simply added to it. I felt myself suddenly falling. It felt like I was falling forever, but I quickly realized that the ground had met my body after all. "Riley? _Riley!" _I heard a voice shout near me, but quickly the words stopped making sense; blending together. Everything was black and all too soon there was nothing but silence.

I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! It really does mean a lot to me :)


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: Okay so half the keys on my keyboard fell off and won't go back on so typing's a pain! That's why I haven't updated in so long, I'm sorry! (This is being typed out on my iPod.) Hopefully I'll be able to fix it soon. So yeah, this chapter will be really short, I think. -Elle

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James' POV

"Riley?" my voice was quiet in the darkened hospital wing. I stared down at her, watching her breathing slowly, in an out. "I... I know you probably can't hear me, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. About everything; about never really noticing you. Always being so obsessed with Lily," my voice broke slightly. "I mean, that doesn't matter any more- she doesn't matter to me anymore. Her and I are done now. I overheard her talking," I stopped, shaking my head slightly, "okay I was eavesdropping- but anyway I heard her boasting to her friends about how she finally 'got rid of you'. She... She poisoned you, Riles. She-" a short, painful sob stopped me. It took a few minute to calm down again. I took a deep breath and shuddered. "I got her alone a while later and called her out on it. She just shook her head, saying you shouldn't have even been alive anyway," I paused. Glancing around at the otherwise empty room. "That's... Another thing. I sort of lied when I said that letter was fake. I just... I just didn't want you to be mad at me o-or try and hurt yourself again and I..." Tears were streaming freely down my face and I was suddenly glad Riley was asleep. I wouldn't want her to see me this way. Sure, she had seen me cry before, but not like this. "I just feel so awful about everything and... I'm just so sorry, Riles. I'm so sorry." She didn't move. Sighing heavily I got to my feet. Practically dragging myself to the door, I glanced back at her. "Goodnight, Riley," I whispered softly and opened the door, leaving quickly.

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Reviews:

DreanaKeyra: Thank you so much! And yeah, I have loads of cliffhangers ;)

Sara253xxx: Eeee- thank you! :) And I'm not entirely sure yet..?! Stiiiill have to decide that!

LunaBee13: And I love you. I love that you still read this oh my god :D

Siriusfanno1: I'm sorry it took so long! Thank you very much!

xXCherrydawnXx: I was worried it wouldn't portray the emotions accurately- so thank you!

PhoenixSong2013: Your reviews made my life oh my gosh thank you so much. And I love how you go from "James, come to your senses!" to "Eh, Remus would be better!" :) But yeah, I really love all your reviews thank you so much! And I hope this was a quick enough update?!

I promise I'll update soon with a bigger/better chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

Author's note: I got a new keyboard! Hurray! Now I just have to figure out what I'm doing... –Elle

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Riley's POV:

It was dark. I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes. The hospital wing? Of course. I always end up in the hospital wing sooner or later. Sitting up slowly I looked around. Empty except for me. Sighing, I pushed the blankets of my bed to the side. '_How'd I get here _this time_?'_ Sitting in the darkness, I worked to remember.

'_Okay… It had been morning, and I was eating breakfast. Sort of- I was mainly just picking at it. Talked to Lily for a bit and she gave me something to help get my memory back-' _I gasped aloud.

"Oh my god. Oh my _god!_" I could remember. I could remember all of it. I remembered the beginning of the year when James and Lily got together, my complete infatuation with him since we started school, growing up with him, writing the letter.

'_Writing the letter James lied about.' _I quickly reminded myself. I put my hand over my heart, my throat swelling up a bit, eyes starting to tear up. Not only did I write the letter, but James had lied about it. He told me specifically that it was fake. That Lily had made it all up.

"Fell off a Quidditch broom my ass!" I exclaimed loudly, jumping to my feet. I stumbled a little, slightly dizzy from the sudden movement, but quickly got over it. I looked around quickly and found the things I had had in class when I fainted god knows how many days ago. Carelessly tossing books and papers aside I found my wand and gripped it tightly.

James had lied to me before, of course, but not with anything as serious as this. I had tried to _kill myself_, and he didn't have the decency to tell me the truth? Then he was going to pay for it.

Who else knew? Who else had hidden it from me like I was some little kid? Everyone, most likely. They all probably made fun of 'unstable little Riley'. James had obviously known. Lily had known. Dippit, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slugnorn and Pomfrey more than likely all knew. All the teachers probably knew. Did Remus know? …Probably. Yet no one told me. Was there no one I could trust anymore?

Eyes narrowing, I stormed out of the hospital wing and down the corridor towards the Gryffindor common room. Upon arriving at the fat lady's portrait, I quickly realized that the password had been changed. It had been five days at the very least, then.

"Can't you just let me in? You know I'm a Gryffindor," I asked quietly, sighing irritably at the painting.

"But you could be an imposter, my dear. Sorry!" she chimed lightly through the quiet.

"I'm not! Just let me in!" I yelled back at her, stomping my foot. She raised her eyebrows at me, watching me as if I were a child throwing a tantrum.

"I'm sorry but-" I had had enough.

"Let me _in! _Let me _in! Let me in!" _I shouted, tone rising with anger. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again as the portrait opened. A very confused Remus Lupin stepped out and looked at me, his mouth opening.

"Riley!" he gasped. "A-Are you- you're awake and- but why'd they let you out of the-" I shoved past him roughly and stormed towards the stairs. The common room was dark and empty, the fireplace dull, but still lit. "Wait, Riley!"

"_What?!_" I spun around on my heel and glared at him. His eyes widened and he took a quick step back.

"What's the matter?" he asked quickly, his tone hushed so he wouldn't wake everyone up.

"As if you didn't know," I rolled my eyes and glared. "I remember. Everything. How could you not tell me?!"

"Wh- Tell you _what?_"

"Oh, I don't know, that I tried to kill myself?" I spat back at him, my voice full of venom. He looked horrified, his getting lighter by the second.

"Y… You _what?_" his voice cracked slightly, eyes full of concern. Remus shook his head quickly. "Riley, I… I promise you, I had no idea," he breathed, watching me with wide eyes. I hesitated. Watching him, all traces of anger disappeared.

"I-I…" I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Remus, I'm so sorry- I shouldn't have assumed." My voice was quiet now; barely above a whisper. Wasting no time, I quickly moved forward and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry." He wrapped his warm arms around me and let out a quiet sigh.

"Don't be. You would've had a very good right to be mad if I had known…" he paused, "I would have told you, anyways. What sort of friend wouldn't?" Remus' voice was soft and kind.

"James didn't," I whispered, realizing I was trembling. He stiffened for a second then tightened his arms very slightly. Remus was quiet a long time.

"Do you want me to take you to him?" he asked finally, his voice very quiet. I nodded into his shoulder, not wanting to let go. "Alright." Letting me go gently, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me back towards the portrait. I blinked a few times but didn't question it. Remus led me through corridor after corridor, up countless flights up steps until we were at the highest astronomy tower.

"Remus?" I looked around then at him. James would be asleep in his dorm. Why did we come here? He glanced at me, putting a finger to his mouth. We went up the last flight of steps and he opened the door to the outside quietly. Remus lifted his arm off my shoulder finally and I shivered in the nighttime breeze. The stars were out, but there was no light from the moon. Squinting, I tried to see. Remus stepped forward slowly, fingers playing with the hem of his sweater.

"James?" he said into the darkness softly. "James, buddy? Are you alright?" he was walking slowly towards a black corner where something stirred.

"What do you want?" a hoarse but cross voice asked suddenly. Remus grimaced then shook his head slightly.

"James," he said again, pausing. "Riley's here…" I heard him scramble to his feet clumsily and stumble forward. Remus pulled out his wand and quickly whispered "Lumos!" The platform was flooded with light and I couldn't help but gasp. Quickly covering my mouth I looked at James. His skin was deathly pale, his lips chapped and white. His eyes were bloodshot and raw, the skin around them puffy and pink. His hair was messier and dirtier than usual, his clothes filthy. He was a complete mess.

"Riley!" James' voice cracked, his eyes were wide. He had tears streaming down his face. Never in all my life had I seen him like this. Not once. And it terrified me. I stumbled backwards and stood against the wall. "Riley- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- I mean I meant to-" he started coughing violently and toppled back into the dark corner. Remus rushed forward to help James and I panicked. I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing that seemed to make sense to me.

I ran. I ran from the astronomy tower as quickly as I could and didn't look back. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. I just ran.

* * *

Reviews:

LunaBee13: Yeah, I'm still working on that… Sigh.

Hi: I'm not sure where I'm going with Remus and Riley yet- but I'll definitely have more of the two of them!

xXCherrydawnXx: Ahah, yeah, I kinda cheated with a short little chapter just for the sake of getting something down. I'm glad you liked it though! :)


	13. Author's Note: PSA

Author's Note: Hi, everyone! This is sorta a PSA!

I'm switching accounts, but I'm still going to continue with this story. BUT I'm going to be reposting it!

Make sure to look for it! My new penname is "thehobbitdoctor"

Thanks for all the support with this story, it means a ton :)

I hope to see you all soon!


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